Interlude - characters...

As promised there now follows a few little quotes and snippets of conversations I have had the distinct pleasure to overhear or indeed be involved in and that have given me cause to giggle (never intentionally mind). If you are reading this then more than likely it isn’t you (honestly a good thing)...

Apologies in advance for the language - some people really will insist on the use of the profane and at times display a quite shocking tendency for the obscene. Quotes are verbatim to the best of my memory - I think the need for over emphasis is absent...

Act 1, Scene 1 - Milhouse, Buenos Aires

After briefly chewing the fat (I refer to talking rather than the act of actually chewing fat) with Michael, a be-dreaded production assistant from New Zealand, we found our conversation somewhat interrupted by a Canadian gentleman in cowboy boots (he was wearing other clothes but the boots stick in the memory).

Michael: So, where to next bra?
Glenn: Probably going to head down South to Puerto Madryn, with my friend Sam, to see the wildlife.
Michael: Sounds pretty sweet.

Enter stage left, Canadian guy...

Canadian guy: Just been to the gym, yeah the gym, been working out in the gym, in the gym, got some good weights in the gym, dumbbells up to 40kg, was lifting those in the gym. Only 10 pesos to go the gym.
Michael: Ok.
Glenn (thought): So, what have you been up to?

Act 1, Scene 2

The scene is set in the TV room of Hostel Lao in Mendoza where a few people are idly watching TV and talking over the days activities when a previously quiet member of the cast pipes up...

American guy: F$ck man, someone get me some paper, I need to be creative!

Said gentleman returned after securing the means to vent his creative frustrations though apparently the paper he located was ´sh&t man, its wet and sh&t, what am I supposed to do with this?´.

And what, the audience may ask; did such an urgent need to release one’s creative urges, to give voice to the inner artist result in? Mona Lisa’s sister? Dali’s diabolical double? A line drawing so complex as to give Escher a headache? Oh no, no, no - the result, the end product, the culmination of a moment that could wait no longer that had to burst free in such a public way was...an origami swan, or was it a sailor’s hat, or was it just a piece of screwed up paper? Who knows, who cares. Berk.

Another little conversation worthy of note from Mr Creative and his friend went something as follows (I will save you the preamble):

Mr Creative: F$ck no man, autumn and fall are completely different. Autumn is like South Carolina bullsh$t - the leaves are changing colour - that kind of isn’t it beautiful sh$t - fall means death, the end of life, destruction, rain. I f$cking hate Autumn, I f$cking love fall.
American friend: What you got to understand about this guy is - he’s a cynical f$ck.
Glenn (thought): No, what you have to understand is that he is an idiot.

Act 1, Scene 3

Terry (more to follow) and I are sitting down to dinner in the hostel and the conversation has mainly revolved around where we have been, would like to go etc...

Enter stage left - Eric, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, Swedish gentleman who has been travelling the world on and off for the last 5 or so years, speaks 4 languages fluently and I have no doubt is rather successful in the old age battle of man’s wants versus women’s willingness:

Terry: I would love to see the glaciers, I think I might go. Argentina is such a varied country. Where would you like to go Eric?
Eric: I’m a f$cking sex tourist man, I don’t give a f$ck about the country.

Such clarity of purpose, such honesty has to be admired.

Act 1, Scene 4

Terry, oh Terry. My travelling companion for all of three days but oh how it seemed so much longer. Gregarious in the extreme Terry could and would talk to anyone about anything, anytime, anyplace. Perhaps not a negative trait but with a blog intentionally titled Solitary Contentment I knew after about 5 minutes on the bus together that I had perhaps made an error in judgement (the rather obvious message of listening to music, staring out of the window and not reacting to any conversation failed to deter dear Terry who blathered on regardless). All was not bad though and Terry provided me with some truly golden moments on our tour of the National Parks before I made my escape by catching the bus at 3.30am (I had planned 2pm the following afternoon) leaving Terry and his electronic snoring machine (best not to ask) behind...

In the hostel:

Terry: So, where are you from?
The young lady: Israel.
Terry: Ok, so what is your name?
The young lady: Taliah.
Terry: Wow that is beautiful!
The young lady: It means - how do you say in English? The water on the grass in the morning...
Glenn: Dew.

The following conversation should be read with the understanding that Terry spoke not a word of Spanish; so little in fact that it fell to me to take on the role of translator...

Lady at the hostel: 80 pesos para la tour.
Glenn: 80 pesos.
Terry: The man at the bus station said he could do the tour for 70.
Lady at the hostel: Lo sciento, yo hablo solo un poca Ingles.
Glenn: She doesn’t speak much English.
Terry: Oh, Ok. THE MAN AT THE BUS STATION SAID HE COULD DO THE TOUR FOR 70 PESOS. WHY ARE YOU MORE EXPENSIVE?

In the national parks:

To set the scene the park guide speaks not a word of English, Terry speaks not a word of Spanish leaving me and the two other people doing the tour somewhere in the middle - me further towards the non speaking end admittedly. As the guide explains the significance of where we are our German co-tourist very helpfully explains what is being said and that is that we are in a landscape that is over 250 million years old, where the oldest known dinosaur bones have been found and what remains a crucial site in furthering our understanding of this planet we call home (deja vu?). The fact that the park we are in is called the Valley of the Moons refers to the other worldly landscape and also its emblematic spherical rocks. All clear? Time for Terry...

Terry: So, who comes here? I am guessing not the Americans but is this where people come to practice being on the moon.

A bit later...

Terry: Can you ask the guide if I can go for a p$ss behind the bushes?

More to follow as people continue to entertain.

Exeunt, perused in the bare...x